Cover-Up
a day to celebrate the 2 bdays.
the feel. the love. the warmth.planning for that special day ain't any easy feat.
it ain't the same anymore.everyone's seem to be depending on me solely.
it's as if there's a nuclear erruption.yet when tinks are planned, ppl disagree n complain.
and everytink went still during the aftermath.yea, so y not u plan hur.
it's no longer the lil hiccups we used to have.im nt the only one in de clique.
it's much worse.it isn't as if im getting paid doing all these.
it doesn't seem that Love's bonding us well.it's out of frenship bond!
it probably seem more like Habit taking over her task.not the first time.
to me, u kept pushing everytink to me.it's tiring thou.
to u, im always at fault.esp having to sms every single one n awaiting replies.
u said im selfish. yep probably.i'll always hv to resend msg.
cos i dun wan to get hurt again.cos sum ppl jus forgot to reply.
cos i dun wan to cry in the middle of night with no one by me.it's hard communication.
cos i dun wan to suffer the pain n upsets.even a simple task like getting a cake or present.
so yes, im selfish n self-centered.it's usually the last minute i got to know they cldnt get it.
----- ------------and i'll hv to rush to get these stuff done.
my heart sank after the call.jus so to avoid disappointing the bday guys.
i felt so much rushing to ur side right at the moment.everything to be done boils down to me.
wad pulls me bak was rejection n fear.im upset. pissed. n disappointed.
fear of getting hurt.do take upon the responsibility.
like i said, u'll nv understand.i'll even hv to plead for ppl to go for the celebration.
----- ------------jus to chalk up the ppl coming.
i reached home, looking the the mess sprawled on my desk.it's obvious the bonds ain't going anywhere strong.
they meant my love. my care. my feel for u.it was then i realised, clique.
the tears rolled.clique meant a grp of ppl who hangs ard together often.
the crying was unstoppable.but is that just it?
my heart pounded wildly with each sms reply i received.maybe im just into it too much.
i realised:probably im jus too sensitive recently.
- ---- ---but i hope we'll bond better.
it wasnt a qns. but a heartfelt confirmation.----- ------------im very selfish i realise.i treat u bad, yet expecting u to treat me better.jus to protect myself.it's sumtink i picked up n learnt by hard in the past.i know again, u'll nv understand.i said i din explain.but such tinks aint easy to explain.----- ------------
i wish the tears will stop.
i hope i'll be back to myself.
i wish things will be fine.
i hope u'll speak to me n treat me nice.
i wish we'll be fine soon after.
i hope the hurt will go away.
i wish u'll love me still.
i hope u'll appear this moment n take me in ur arms.
i wish we'll be happier.
i hope i'll stop whinning and crying.
----- ------------
it's not words of love n comfort that i need.it's acts of love n comfort that'll really warm me up during such times.acts filled with sincerity.n not doing it for the sake of doing.----- ------------i really dun wan it to end this way.it's supposed to be forever like in fairytales.i do really hope fairytales happen.but they'll never do.----- ------------
